Here ya go, the whole she-bang. Me, DH, and our two girls.
Alright!! I unmooshed the pictures!!

No laughing or gauging out of the eyes. And no printing off for dart boards either. We aren't that bad looking :)~~

~~Me

Her name is Tweety and she will be coming home on either Sunday or Monday.

She's a Latino Cockatiel that has already laid one egg (not fertile)... I may just get a Male friend for her.

~~Toni

Ahhh... stuffed--Me and the turkey. Here are some family pictures for you all..Enjoy..

My Dad and their Poppy

Crazy Mad Suc..cientist Hubby

Nene and Poppy with the 'kids

Ninja Gabe-Zookey with his Cousins and Aunt Ashley (my baby sis)

Fat-Ass (that'd be me), the sisters and the Not-the-Momma

Half-Eared, Tard-Headed, FrankenBaxterPuppy

BWAHAHHA!! I'm such an evil mom. She slept through the whole thing. I took like 10 pictures with flash and she never budged.. hehehe

~~~Toni

Firstly, I hate sick babies. My 11yr old now has Croup, can't stop coughing, has asthma.. gah--I just hate sickness.

Secondly, this sums up EXACTLY how I feel. Nuff' Said.

(all rights, etc. for Wiley Miller. I'm just a fan of his, no harm meant..)

~~Me

Sometimes. Only sometimes. But the hype over this book is just as bad as the hype was for Harry Potter. Same people too, screaming the same thing. Just change "witch(craft)" to "atheism" and astoundingly, it's the same argument.

"He's promoting Atheism. That's so obviously his agenda".

"That's what worries me about the movie! editor note: the movie speaks nothing of atheism That parents will go to this "innocent movie, like it and buy the not-so-innocent books for their kids!"

or my favorite line yet:

"Obviously the agenda is atheism, you don't need God, God is weak/dead. I haven't read the books, but from statements of the author, that seems to be his theme."

Forget the fact that most of these people, just like with Harry Potter, have never read the damn book and never will, just the fact that the author has proclaimed "My books are about killing God", is enough to send them in to a tizzy wonderland of "OMGZ! Think of the children!" and that includes YOURS.

Thanks to someone so very astute, somewhere else, she found some quotes by the author that sum up why he writes the way he does:

Philip Pullman visited Readerville in 2001. This is what he had to say. . .

"My views on religion and science ... That's a long one. In a sense I prefer just to point to the story and say "There it is." I'll say a brief word abou tthe Authority, though. The God who dies is the God of the burners of heretics, the hangers of witches, the persecuters of Jews, the officials who recently flogged that poor girl in Nigeria who had the misfortune to become pregant after having been forced to have sex - all these people claim to know with absolute certainty that their God wants them to do these things. Well, I take them at their word, and I say in response that that God deserves to die.

So basically, this guy is writing books, that are completely fiction--mind you--about today's obssessiveness with religion and belief and how some take that belief to extremes (Uhh, hello--Christians?) and that those who believe in a religion that allows you to take it to the extremes he speaks of, should be called to the carpet about said belief and told that their belief (the extreme) is not the belief of the world and that their God is not worth worshipping. Yes, he's an atheist. Big whoop. His being an atheist allows for his mind to work in ways certain people can never fathom--OPEN.

"The Authority, then, is an ancient IDEA of God, kept alive artificially by those who benefit from his continued existence."

Yep--the IDEA of the Ancient God is just that--artificial and just an idea. I just recently called for a banning of the Bible. I said that its agenda was just as loud, if not louder than the "agenda" this man writes of. Of course that was met with "Go right ahead. The bible has withstood this for centuries, it can withstand you". Sadly, she's right. Doesn't stop me from trying though, does it?

He also said,

"Why are all the church characters bad? That was due to a flaw in my artistry, no doubt. But I was trying to hit a target that deserved hitting, and there's no merit in pulling punches when important issues are at stake. Anyway, every time I thought I was overdoing it, up came another scandal about brutal monks mistreating children in Irish schools, or sadistic nuns tormenting children in Scottish orphanages, to name but two that came up recently. These things do happen."

and:

"Good guys and fallen angels: there's been a long tradition of seeing the "fallen" angels as being in some way on the "right" side, and I'm just going along with Milton and Blake as well as some Gnostic traditions. There isn't a difficulty, I think, if we ask ourselves not "Who's good? Who's bad?" but "Is this a good deed? Is that a bad one?" I'm not sure why the churches haven't condemned me yet. perhaps they're biding their time. Or - always possible - they agree with me. (A number of clergy do, and have written to me about it; and the Church Times in Britain gave me a glowing review - almost the best I've had anywhere).Or - most likely of all - they just haven't noticed. "

I think I've reached a point in my life where I no longer see the point. I am seriously this close to renouncing my "christian" ways. Of course, nothing about me will change, to those that know me they know I'll still be who I am and always was--kind, compassionate, Open-minded, caring, not-bigoted or hate filled.. honestly, I don't hate Christians (though some have tried to spin it that way), I just hate what they do--who doesn't? I'm getting really sick and tired of telling people "I'm not THEM"--with "them" being anything from "radical, Christian Homeschooler" to "radical Christian". And of course, there will be some who know me who will either pull the "I knew it" line or the "Yes, you will have changed" line. Both of which are absurd.

My life was perfectly fine before my "save". It will continue to be so after. I haven't been to church in ages, I actually loathe it. It's boring, redundant and trite. There isn't a single church down here that doesn't fit this bill. That isn't bigoted, close-minded, or hate filled. I can't be like this anymore and I can't be part of a group that is like this. My mother didn't raise me this way. And, worst of all, I'm not raising my kids this way. So why am *I* this way?

Time to go back to being ME. Who I really am. Time to cut out all the negativity in my life, get rid of all the stupid message boards I cling to. Sad, really, because there are some really wonderful and nice ladies on those message boards. Some that I truly respect and care about.

What's even sadder still, is that some I know in real life will be reading this and they will automatically think this now gives them part and parcel to back away from me. I run a bowling league for homeschoolers and I do it because of the kids. I do it because I LOVE bowling, because I want to teach them how to bowl. Nowhere has my beliefs(or lack thereof) ever come in to play with this. I only hope that if they do read this, they realize that. I truly respect and admire those that I am speaking about, and I honestly don't think they'd ever do it, so I hope they just not read this at all and just let me be the bowling coach for their child and realize that all I am teaching them is bowling--without any hidden agenda.

Just like this book.

~~Me

While I am far from bitter and I do believe just plain old "Homeschooler's Wishlist" would have sufficed, from Secular Homeschooling Magazine, Issue #1 (italic words are mine).

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is and it is, it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious. (Yes, please!)

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons. (Or that, because we are homeschoolers, which means we are religious, we use only religious materials to homeschool our kids. I know some perfectly religious people who use nothing but secular material. I refuse to use religious material in anything I teach. And yes, I am an Evil-utionist).

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and- spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool, " we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the
amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and
holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education and many of us prefer a more organic approach we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!

AFUCKINGMEN!

~~Me

Asked of my Princess-Brat-in-Training this morning when she wasn't concentrating on the tasks I had given her.

"What's A.D.D.?" she calmly asks.
"Attention Deficit Disorder" I say and I start to explain it to her.
"No, I get plenty of attention around here", she replies.

Cue mom laughing her ass off because of this and confused look on the Brat's face as to why mom is laughing.

I sell cheap. I swear she's yours for real cheap. I need a vacation now.

~~Toni

I don't know who George is, but these are hillarious:

George's 13 New Rules
New Rule #13:
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates . com.
There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule #12:
Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule #11:
Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule #10:
There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule #9:
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule #8:
I'm not the cashier!
By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule #7:
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule #6:
Competitive eating isn't a sport . It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait!? They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule #5:
I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule #4:
No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule #3:
and this one is long overdue:
No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule #2:
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
(I truly loathe this too. After one year old, it's done in years you buffoon)

New Rule #1:
If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?"
(or at least do it where it can't be seen. I really wonder what would happen to the extremely pierced during Chinese Water Torture--I think the water would flow out of all the holes)...

And, NEW MOVIE ALERT.. Johnny Depp AND Alan Rickman. SWOON.

SWEENEY FUCKING TODD!!!!!!

You are a Codfish if you have no desire to go see this. I WILL be seeing this. On the big screen. Come hell or high water. Screw that, I'll take a frickin' boat. I will also and had better recieve Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix; in my stocking or Santa will get a boot up his ass.

~~Me

In the spirit of this: Doc's 2007 Anti-Homeschool Blog Awards... I have won this:

So has everyone else, but I chose Calvin because he and I were separated at birth. Anyway, my catagory was "Most Likely To Make An Autopsy Sound Wholesome", because after all, the "real" awards themselves have rules like "can't use potty mouth", "must be family-friendly"(gag), and "must be wholesome"--which, as Doc and many others pointed out, would excluded the whole lot of HSB bloggers; what with their anti-homosexual every-other-post-posts and their "OMGZ THE SEX" posts. But since they are more wholesome than we are (spit), they don't see this because they are, afterall, Wholesome, Righteous Christians(tm).

So, how does one make an Autopsy sound wholesome, you ask? Funnily enough, I have a story to go with this, so everything I am about to say is based on something that really happened to me while I was in school.

To make an Autopsy wholesome, one needs(to):

1: Have someone who is Wholesome and Righteous in your class. Preferably sitting right next to your heathen ass.

2: Have said same person question every single thing the teacher says and does.

3: Also have them question you and constantly mutter the Rosary under their breath every time you walk in to class.

4: During actual autopsy, have said person constantly request that the cadaver be "covered up", so no "private areas" be seen by anyone, let alone her.

5: Consistently tell the teacher, to the point of arguing, that it is not neccessary to use PROPER terminology for body parts. That means, instead of "vagina", it has been renamed to "hoo-ha" and "penis" is now called "ahem". Oh and one musn't ever use proper words for undergarments either. Which means instead of "panties", you will get the oh-so-Puritan word of "underclothes"--which, ironically enough, fits just about everything else one wears under your clothes.

6: Consistently turn your head whenever teacher must show photographs of actual crime scenes (ya know, in order to actually TEACH us). This must be done in conjunction with loud sighs, several "OMGS" and a few "how sads" thrown in for good measure.

7: Refuse to attend the autopsy. Which results in loud cheers from classmates because then that means we actually get work done.

Now the back story. When I was in schooling/training, I did have one classmate who fit all seven of those. Her biggest gripe was the teacher using proper terminology for everything and showing pictures that were not "censored". This woman, at the time, was OLDER than me by several years and was well aware of what our and the opposite had, body wise and was by no means "virginal". Yet, every class she managed to ruin the learning experience by insisting the teacher censor pictures (case in point: One crime scene we learned from involved a rape. The woman was naked (duh) and dead. She just couldn't handle seeing this woman's naked body and felt it should be covered up, both on film and real life. She even argued that it was "wrong" for the teacher to take pictures of the woman like this) and censor his use of proper terminology.

Her final paper was filled with "hoo-ha" and "ahem" and other stupidly innocuous (or noxious--depending on how moral you are feeling today) words made up for the actual, proper terms.

Before I get griped at though, I do want to stress that I have no problem with people who can't handle looking at these pictures. This job is NOT for everyone. But don't be such a stupid ignoramous to think --that you are walking in to a CRIME SCENE TECHNOLOGY class, where you WILL be seeing these things-- won't have them. Because you will be made fun of. The very nature of this job is nasty, smelly, disgusting, we see people at their very worst and most of all, it is hard to do this job.

I just know that if I sat on the stand and tried to explain to jurors what happened to someone's "hoo-ha" or "ahem" while this "OMG" happened, I wouldn't have a job for very long.

Of course, this is coming from someone who sits and watches "Dr. G: Medical Examiner" thinking of ways to write the network to request they STOP pixallating all the good stuff without sounding like a Serial - Ax Murdering - Immoral Mother Hating - Anti-Homeschool Blogging Awards - Potty Mouthing - So not family friendly - Pornographically Inclined - Hostily Drunk - NC-17 Rated - Killer - In Training.
(and no Mom, I don't hate you. But the buffoons over at HSB seem to think you not breastfeeding me contributed to my evil tendancies)

And just in case there is ANY doubt, my blog is rated:

Go NOW. Pre-Order this album. Get the Deluxo Version. Amazon has my pre-order. If you are a true Duranie, you will NOT be dissappointed. VH-1 made the mistake of leaking the album (completely) and now I have the whole damn thing. Lock, Shock and Barrel! And I am in love with John Taylor's Bass playing all over again. I swear "The Valley" gave me an orgasm with his bass solo. OMGZ!!

From This (sans Andy now):

To This (sans Andy, the butthead):

You can NOT deny them. They STILL rock.

Go.Buy.Now.
Because I said so.
You know you want to.
Do it.
Now.

~~Toni