Damn him and his red purse, but I knew he was innocent. I mean c'mon, how can anyone accuse a 2 year old (the approximate age of Tinky) of being GAY? But man, they did. They said he was teaching little boys how to be "girly" with his red purse and all. They told us to "guard" our children from "teh ghey" in Teletubbies because our kids could "catch" it.

BUT IT WASN'T HIM!! I TOLD YOU HE WAS INNOCENT!!! THE REAL CULPRIT IS:::::

SOY!!!!

That's right all you fancy Soy drinking Earth mommies.....

YOU are making your kids "ghey" by giving them the "ebil" soy....

Mr. Jim Rutz, over at the esteemed (insert sarcasm) World Net Daily, says this:

"The dangerous food I'm speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore."

Ayup--you are feminizing your boys by feeding them soy stuff.

And here I thought I was doing something good for my kids--turns out I'm making "women" out of them (and they are girls, at that!!)

He also spouts, proudly at that: "Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them."

Ok, so the reasons NOT to drink soy are:

1) Lack of dick size. Check. We don't want any shriveled up dicks running around.
(Oh wait! My bad! We already have one writing this article!)

2)For some reason, my kids won't be able to figure out whether they have a dick or a vagina. Hmm, let's see "Sweety, look down--see that thing NOT dangling between your legs? Yep, you're a female. Good." That wasn't hard (no pun intended) now was it?

3)TEH GHEY!!! OMG!!11!! ELEVENTY-ONE!!!!!

So there reasoning is, that because we give our bottle fed babies soy based products, we are, in essence, making our little boys--girls. Because, after all, the "default" is to be a girl in utereo.

So soy is to blame for:

Teh ghey
sexual confusion
breast cancer
thyroid problems
obesity (that's it!! I'll blame soy on my fat-ass, even if I don't touch the stuff!! what a cool concept!!)
And a plethora of other bullshit spewed puke.

Bah. Idiots.

And what's worse, is in reading this tripe, I come across an add for Chuck Norris. Why? Because he has a column on WND. I just lost all respect for the Ranger. I mean he said "Neutered Nativity" in one column.

That's actually funny.

3 words for you:

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

~~Fang Wounds

Me.....

As my children sit up (late, at that) watching "The Wizard of Oz" for the umpteenth time (princess-brat-in-training watched "Mary Poppins" earlier and remarked that the movie was "freaking her out" because they "talked funny, dressed funny and spoke funny" and "it made no sense"---so much for enlightening the child, eh?), while Princess Brat constantly interrupts me with "just how many of them are there?", "mom, they're all little", " man, there's got to be at least 200 of them", "ok, this makes no sense (her catch phrase), why can the tin man dance if they never oiled his knees and legs?", "why does the scarecrow have a heart but no brain, the tin man a brain but no heart and the lion a heart and brain but no courage?"; I sit here typing up yet another boiled over rant (do I get an award for the longest run-on sentence?)...

Let's see:

1) Walmart isn't the end all be all of Christmas shopping. In fact, it is pure hell. Especially when you are trying to park and you've got old people in front of you who can't figure out which of the two closest parking spaces they want. Or you've got the mom standing with her trunk open, cart full, while she is putting every bag in the trunk one at a time AND checking her christmas list over (picture this woman slapping her forhead when she's forgotten something and me slapping my gas pedal wishing I could run her over for making me wait 10 minutes for a parking space only to not get it).

2) You won't run out of food, I promise. Stop buying thousands of cans of greenbeans like it's the end of the world, people. (Winn-dixie is loads of fun).

3) For pete's sake--teaching your freakin kids some morals, would ya? I just had to bust a 15 year old at work for theft----of a pack of gum---on my second day of work at that.

4) Christmas is NOT about Christ so quit throwing it in my face like it is. Quit telling me I'm such a horrible heathen for not celebrating his "birthday" with cake and all that junk. No one knows when he was born and besides, wouldn't the proper Christian thing to do be celebrating his "birth" EVERYday of the year--not just one?

5)I am so dreading church for this very reason. I love that Princess-Brat-in-training loves to act and has a role in our church play (again!) this year, but I don't think I can handle anymore holy-rollin'.

6) I have a clean desk. Revel in it now, as it won't last long.

7) I finished up my mother's christmas gift, but since she's nosey and reads my blog (HI MOM!!! Luf ya!!), I can't post a picture, lest she see it.

I want a Dyson Animal Vaccum next year. Or sooner. Damn it, I feel left out again.

9) Get off the road you freakin moron!! Or learn where the break and gas pedals are truly located. Please. Thanks.

10) Oh god, the Lion is singing--- "If IIIIIIIIIII wweeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrre KIIIIIIIIIIING of the FOOOOOOOOOOOrrrrrrrrrrrrrrEEEESSSST!!!!"

11) Dude, if you get a pet, take care of it!!! If I read one more stinkin' post about "we have a hyper puppy, we keep him chained outside because I just can't handle it" I'm going to shoot the sucker (the human, not the dog). And for pete's sake, Hermit Crabs are NOT kid friendly pets!!!!!!! For that matter, nothing is. Just scrap the pet idea. More dogs, cats, bunny rabbits and other animals end up dead or in shelters because of this stupid "aww it'll be neat for Santa to bring Timmy a puppy" craze. Dumbasses.. Get a hobby that doesn't involve breeding or getting a pet you really do not want.

12) Jesus. No. He isn't the reason for the season.

13) Christmas Cards. I hate them. No, I LOATHE them. You will never get one from me. I cannot stand them. They are a waste of time. As are Christmas letters. BORING. If I want to here about what you've done in the year, why can't I call you or why couldn't you have told me the thousands of times I did call? Do I really need a fancy, over typed, letter to tell me just how wonderful Timmy is doing school? Nope, don't care.

14) I don't believe in drugging your kids. But dayum, some kids need it. Or maybe their parents just need to smoke more weed. I thumped my head more today than I ever have. Duct tape, velcro and drugs work wonders, people.

15)Oh thank god they turned the tv off. Now I can go to bed NOT singing "tra la la la la la LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Ding Dong the witch is dead"........ ugh...

16) I work tomorrow. Yah for me!! I wonder if I still have a job after tattling on the 15 year old for stealing a pack of gum?

~~~~Toodles
Me......