A couple of blogs today and I noticed a theme: Tell us what your kids are doing this year. So, since my family reads my blog (and they love it), yet they don’t actually know what is going on in our schooling endeavor (they totally support it–even to the point of wearing “proud homeschooling grandparent” shirts), I figured I’d join in.

I’m typing with a band-aid on one of my good fingers (the middle one, of course), so excuse the mess.

This year, I have a 5th grader and a Freshman (oh, god, help us now), so my subjects are varied. Due to moving over the summer (my planning time) and the house fire, I didn’t really have the time to write complete lesson plans and once I got the chance to, I realized that what I had wasn’t going to work. So, here is the final answer to that conundrum:

For the Princess-Brat-in-Training (5th grade)

Math:Spectrum math 5th grade workbook.
Pretty boring, but straightforward. She is also using another workbook called Brain Boosting Math Skills, a logic-based math problem type workbook.

Language Arts/English/WritingI was going to use LLATL, but found it to be redundant and not exactly what I wanted, so I changed to Rod and Staff 5th Grade Grammar.
The cool thing about R&S, is that it is so thorough, that even my 9th grader is using it. The 5th grade is very strong on repetition and looks almost exactly like a high school level grammar book, that all I’ve done is tailored it to both grade levels. The 5th grader works out of the workbook (after listening to the explanations) and the 9th grader uses the book (to wit: she has to write out all sentences, diagram, etc.). This brings each grade on par with what they are supposed to be doing. We are also visiting the library weekly and checking out books for which they do book reports on.

Social Studies/History/Geography:For this one, I found a kick ass resource located at Mr. Dowling’s Website.
This is probably the most thorough 5th grade history lesson I’ve found. Technically, it is meant for 6th and up, specifically tailored to class room discussion. However, his teaching (the reading part) is very thorough and spot on accurate, without all that religious goop thrown in. A lot of reading and writing is required, but I grade her according to what she has done instead of what she didn’t do. He does have some pretty tough questions in his review sheets, so if she at least attempts to answer them, she’s doing good. After she finishes these (and they go in chronoligcal order), we will start on some workbooks I found at a PS book giveaway–Revolution, Civil War and WWI and WWII.

She’s also using something I found on saved disks. Awhile back, there was a resource site that had literally 1,000’s of thematic units available to download for free. Each one was specified for a certain subject. So, for her Geography, I’m using these 10-12 page thematic units I found. Similar format to Mr. Dowling, but more along the 5th grade level.
(The two links for this are ABCTeach and the one I prefer and used is School Express … With school express, I actually paid the download price and just went on a download frenzy.)
Science: Same website as above, thematic units. Very concise and right on par with 5th grade knowledge levels.

Civics/Current Events: I remember in high school, my Social Studies teacher would give us extra credit if we brought in a newspaper clipping with a 1-2 paragraph summary of the clipping. I am doing the same, except they get a grade. We simply peruse our local newspaper, the girls each find an article that they are interested in, clip it out, staple it in their notebook and sum it up in their own words. Writing skills, reading skills, current event skills and general knowledge of their community are all covered in this lesson.

Physical Education: The bane of my high school existence. I run a Homeschool Bowling league, the girls bowl. Period. I think PE is the biggest waste of class time ever. So while bowling is considered PE, they mow the lawn, swim in the neighbors pool (almost nightly, sheesh) and just general being-kid-stuff outside.

Foreign Language: La Clase Divertida Spanish.
I LOVE the way Senor Gamache teaches spanish. A little on the dorky side, a little on the “amish” side (the wife does the craft classes and she’s very “helpmeet”-ish), but otherwise a very thorough and solid beginning spanish program.

Art
You know, I don’t really believe one needs to go through all this trouble teaching them the classics and all that and since I am artistically inclined, and I love hands-on stuff (the dirtier the better), I feel art is covered simply enough by doing hands on projects–giving them something to actually show for their knowledge. I am sure the freshman will get formal art training next year, but right now, hands on stuff is cool. So it’s simply a trip to Michaels, spend money I don’t have (who does) and get cool stuff. Hilarity ensuing.

For things like Bible–well, though I am Christian, I believe wholly in a secular education, so the 5th grader gets credit for this via Missionettes and when we go, Sunday School. She also learns how to cook, clean and generally stay out of mommy’s way upon first waking. Incidentally, she makes a kick ass cup of coffee.

For the Princess-Brat-who-thinks-she’s-Queen-Shit (9th grade)

Much is the same for her. She shares these subjects with her sister:
Rod and Staff Grammar (earning her 1cr.)
Bible (via Youth Group) (elective, earning her 1 cr.)
Spanish (Foreign Language, earning her the 1st of 2 credits)
Art (elective, .5 cr.)
Library/Book Reporting. (elective .5 cr)
Civics (elective .5 cr)
PE (elective, half of 1cr. she takes the other half via Health)

Her actual 9th Grade subjects are:
MathBJU Pre-Algebra.
Just like her mommy, this one is NOT math smart. So we have to start at the bare bones and work her up. I cannot stand BJU (to much religion in a place that it doesn’t belong), however, their math book IS solid as far as teaching the theorum’s of math. Therefore, until next year, it is good enough. 1cr.

Geography
Freshman study World Geography. So this year, she has a solid (public school text at that), WG program from McDougall/Littell. Mapping skills are the focus of this program. 1cr.

Earth Science
From Glencoe, same as geography. Because she isn’t math strong, we started out with the least math heavy program, Earth Science and will follow that type of science course. Incidentally, DH is teaching the same exact program this year, and even though we started a week later than PS, we are already 2 weeks AHEAD of them in what we are learning. 1cr.

Lastly, and technically I can’t give her any credit for this because it is slightly illegal, but she is taking Driver’s Ed. She doesn’t have a permit yet, but we live on a private dirt road with NO traffic whatsoever, so we are slowly teaching her how to drive by allowing her to either back out of or pull into the driveway from about 50-100 ft away (which is about half the length of our actual road). So far, we’ve had 1 burn out, 1 spinning tire incident and 1 kicking-up-mud incident. I’ve told her that she will now be taught by her father.

Of course, life thrown into that mix and you have one well-made Homeschool Cake.

With buttercream icing, of course.

~~~Toni

I am also Hera, Queen to all Bitches…

See which Greek Goddess you are.


Get on your knees and beg for it, suckers.. Bow down now, Bitches…

~~Toni

Of home ownership. We get our very first house, bought just2months ago, move in, get settled, blow $1500 on a water system for our well, landscaping stuff, household stuff we didn’t have in the old place, spend a total of about $3000 almost immediately (this was all within the first two weeks) and started to enjoy our step up into “finally an adult”.

But, while everything appears to be going smoothly, minor nicks and scratches here and there, secretly, my house was plotting to give me permanent insomnia for the rest of my life. See, there is this “guy” in the world, maybe you’ve heard of him — Murphy–and he has some sort of “law” in his name, too. Anyway,this “guy” is a regular pain my ass. See, just when I think things are going smoothly, “Murphy” shows up spouting his “law” and messes things up just nicely.

So because this “Murphy” is such a pain in the ass, he goes and gives me a wonderful mosquito collection. Not just **any** collection, mind you, but a horribly HUGE collection, but not before he turns my already muddy street into a declining river–which, of course, then invites the mosquitoes to a virtual smorgasboard of human flesh. While they feast on my poor legs (which look like junkies arms, right now), “Murphy” decides to have a pow-wow over the peace pipe with his friends “stray dogs” and “Mr. Skunk” (who will be important in just a minute).

See, Stray Dogs (not to be confused with Stray Cats who like to Strut) enjoy garbage. Mind you, they all look like foxes with mange, but my garbage meets the disposal quite quickly. Which leads to me, on my morning trek to get the paper, picking up trash on my way back into the house.

But wait! There’s more. See, with my yard now thoroughly decorated (for free at that), I not only have to “undesign” the beautiful work the Stray Dogs did, but I have to dance like Pink Panther with a potato up his ass because the Stray Dogs failed to put in their “We mess with New Home Owner’s Heads” policy, that their “yard work” brings in some “foreign Nationals”–namely Black Ants. These “Foreign Nationals” are most unwelcome. And they bite, hard.

But hey, at least I have some beautiful “National Ant Motels” sprouting up in my yard, maybe I could charge them “land rent” or something.

So, once we get our Stray Dogs Contract canceled, which, in turn, invalidates the “Foreign Nationals” policy, Mr. Skunk decides to pay us a visit.

Due to the fact that I don’t sleep anyway (have you ever heard how loud Mr. Bullfrog gets when his boner rules his common sense? Sheesh, muzzle the bitch already), I decided to stay up later than usual one night (of course, the fact that the frogs are getting laid right now, don’t help things), and my living room pulls an “Exorcist” on me. Thank God, it decided to only pull this one and not a “poltergiest” cuz then I really wouldn’t be sleeping.

But anyway, so my living room goes pyschotic on me–like “Maximum Overdrive” psychotic. So I hit the main circuit breaker, hoping that scares the “demons” away and proceed to sit my ass down on my computer (which, thankfully, has resisted the “force” of psychosis) and what happens next?

My olfactory senses kick into overdrive.

Why?

Because Mr. Skunk has decided to set up shop under my house. This is a very important thing to remember.

See, 2 Thursday’s ago, when my house went pyschotic on me, “The House” decided it couldn’t just pull an “Exorcist”, nooooooooooo, it had to pull an “Uncle Fester” as well. “Uncle Fester” is our electrical system. And “Uncle Fester” decided it was time to pull his famous “light bulb” trick and short circuit. But he didn’t just “short curcuit” his lightbulb, he short circuited the entire house, which in turn, fried “Mr. Cheap-under-the-house Insulation” as well as “Mr. I’m the Plastic which covers your dirt mound”, who in turn, had a party with “Mr. House Skirt”.

How does Mr. Skunk fit into all of this? His “I’m skeered shitless of fire” defense mechanism decided to overrun his “The house is on fire, I need to run away” side of the brain, and he sprayed the entire inside, outside and underside of “The House”. And he couldn’t just stop there, nooooo, he got Baxter-puppy as well, who already stunk badly enough from “Mr. Smoke filling your house up”.

So, Baxter-puppy (aptly named “George”) leaves for a car ride with Gramma and Grampa, who then take him to the “Evil Pet Store Conglomerate”, who bathe him, clip his toenails and make my manly puppy smell like lavender.

While he is gone, we proceed to live in “Mr. Camper that isn’t even big enough for my ass” (which, as a side note, I do love my neighbors–if it wasn’t for them, we’d have no place to sleep), for a week total.

House is on its way to being fixed, we move back in, clean up and you would think Mr. Murphy has had enough of tormenting us.

But NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Seems the “Fire Ant Colony from Hell” are owed a favor by Mr. Murphy, who then tells them about “The House” with the stress out, slightly psychotic lady living there. Which, in doing so, gives the “Fire Ant Colony from Hell” an idea– “Let’s move in to the psychotic lady’s house”, but they do one better. I bet there is some worker ant now reaping the benefits from the Queen because he came up with the fantastic idea of not just moving in to the house, which has been done before, but taking up residence in “The House”’s Well Pump.

So for the last few days, I’ve been taking “military” style showers because the “Fire Ant Colony from Hell” think it funny to eat my well pump wires. Seems they like being turned into ant-shishkabobs.

So, Mr. Murphy, if you are listening–Fuck off. I don’t like you anymore. I do not want “The House”, I want MY House and soon. I don’t like Fire Ants, Sam I am. I do not like them with anyone’s green eggs and ham. Take your black ant friends and go home. Tell Mr. Skunk he’s being evicted too.

And while you are at it–please go kick some BullFrog ass. I am SO SICK of listening to them, outside my bedroom door, getting laid. It’s not sexy at all.

Sincerely,
New Home Owner who was made Pyschotic in under 2 months. I hope you are happy.

~~~Me

Lots for sale. I accept only two kinds of payment: POSTAL Money Order or Paypal. This is first come/first serve. If you want anything, you **must** email me with your name, zip and address. All things are sent Media Mail.

ALL prices include media mail shipping.

If you use paypal, please add $1.00 to the cost, as it charges me a fee for every transaction. Paypal is PREFERRED and will get your package shipped out next day, immediately. No waiting.
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BRAND NEW ITEMS NEVER USED:
LLATL Purple set. NEVER USED. Both teacher/student books. Since this was never used and it was just bought as is current, I want only what I paid for it–I”ll eat the cost of shipping. —$45 dollars.

LLATL Gold book. Same as above–NEVER USED, brand new. –$25.00

Singapore Science 5A Student Text and Workbook. Brand new, never used. $12.00

Grammar Workbook for 9th/10th Grade. Brand New, Never Used.–$14.00

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These are all either gentle used or just older. All prices reflect mainly the cost of shipping( plus a little extra for me). ALL have been weighed and priced according to the USPS Media Mail Rates.

The Handy Science, Biology, History Answer Books –Set– (7 lbs) $12.00

All Hands on Deck: The Story of Old Ironsides. 3 ring binder book with lesson plans/games the correlate to the study of Old Ironsides. Funky shaped (square, but larger than normal)–(4 lbs)–$5.00

World Geography Student Text Book. Public school text, no writing that I can tell, clean inside and out, just a few scuff marks on cover. 5th-8th grade. (5lbs) $4.50

Spelling Activity Book. This is good for 3rd-5th grade. Used to go as a set of “reading skills” public school books, however can be used as a stand alone spelling reinforcement book. Writing (pencil) on 6 pages of the book. It is an older book so the pages are yellowed. But still **very** useable. Barely 1lb. $2.50

Spectrum Math–Yellow/Blue books. Same as spelling above–old books that were part of a set, can be used as stand alone just fine. Good for late 4th-end 6th grader. NO writing at all. Not used. Just aged. $4.50

Abeka Cursive Writing 3. Writing to page 42 and is missing the blue copy pages in the back of the book. Otherwise still good. All can be erased. $4.50

Reading For Information–LvL A–from Zaner-Bloser. I’d guess 5th-7th grade reading comprehension/vocabulary workbook. Done to lesson 3 (but can be erased). $4.50.

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First come/first serve.

MUST give me name, address in your email to claim.

Email to use is electricbarbarella AT verizon DOT net (also same for Paypal).

All are coming from 33570.

Thank you for looking.

Blessings,
Toni

We have moved back into our house–there is no damage anywhere in the house except the small part of the front, underside, where the fire started. An electrical connector short circuited and what actually caught fire was the plastic sheeting under the house. We do need insulation in that area (replaced) and new skirting around the house. But other than that, so far, things are doing good.

I’ve even got the circuit back on–the same circuit that the connector was on–and nothing so far. Of course, I am just waiting for something to happen–nervous as hell. But, I’ll have clean clothes before it happens again …..

Maybe we can get back to normal life now. The contractor is coming back out to fix things properly and get us back up and running. My bed will feel real good tonight.

I just wanted to update anyone who might be reading.

~~Toni